Baring atas katil sambil tengok siling.

Terpusing-pusing badan mencari posisi yang sedap untuk tidur.

Akhirnya mengiring, kini pandang dinding. Selesa.

Kenapa aku rasa macam ada wajah kau yang terlekat di dinding ini?

Ah~ tiga prinsip.

Satu, aku jaga hati kau.
Dua, kau jaga  hati aku.
Tiga, kita jaga sama-sama.

Marah atau merajuk?
Dari berdiri ke duduk,
dari duduk ke baring.
Nak rasa sejuk? Wudhuk.

Dalam situasi aku sekarang,
lempar hati atas jalan.
Susah kan? 
Kau pernah rasa kau terhegeh-hegeh kat orang?
Kau suka dia bagai nak rak, sanggup makan hati dengan segala kecurangan dan penipuan dia.

Naluri kau kuat tahu apa yang dia buat belakang kau tapi kau sabar, kau tunggu masa Allah tunjuk.

And like, puff !
Allah tunjuk.
Allah tunjuk keyakinan kau pada dia dah menigkat, dah hampir cecah 95% setelah jatuh dulu.

Then fiuuuu~ it drops again to 70%.
Kau makan hati lagi, bila lagi sekali Allah tunjuk.

Dan paling best, bila dia kata kau 'stalker' sedangkan baru sekali Allah nak tunjuk benda tu.
Kau makan hati, tapi kau diam tak kata apa sebab kau sendiri malas nak gaduh.
Kau telah je apa tuduhan dia.
Pelik kan, dia yang buat salah tapi engkau yang kena tanggung.
Kau yang kena telan dia perli.

Kau kena ingat, kuatkan hati.

Kuatkan hati.

Tinggikan ego yang pernah kau ada.

Aku?
Aku dah penat jaga hati orang.
Tapi degil nak jaga lagi.

Lantaklah. Aku sendiri malas nak fikir.


Ya, kecewa.

Rasa dikhianati.

Rasa ditipu.

Pelan-pelan aku percaya, akhirnya tiada apa yang berubah sebenarnya.



Andai sahaja masa dapat diputar,
aku ingin rakamkan semula detik-detik bahagia kita,
biar dapat aku simpan dalam kotak memori,
supaya aku boleh ulang tayang ketika aku merasa sepi.

Andai sahaja masa dapat diputar,
aku ingin memeluknya dan terus diam,
menikmati hangat tubuhnya,
melepaskan segala rindu dalam dada.

Aku ingin hentikan masa ketika ini,
takut untuk bergerak terus kehadapan,
jelas dan nyata takut akan sebuah kehilangan.

Terdiam diulit sepi.
Airmata mengalir lagi.
Entah berapa kali,
aku sendiri pun tak pasti.

Buat pencuri hati,
kalau ikut aku,
mahu sahaja kau simpan hati itu dalam kotak besi,
aku tahu kau sebenarnya mampu menjaganya dengan rapi.

Maafkan aku sayang,
khilafku membawa kita ke sini.
Ke daerah yang tak kita kenal.

Api terus membara.
Aku mencari air yang bisa memadamnya.

Masa.
Berhentilah seketika ketika aku sedang gembira.
Izinkanlah sekali aku memeluknya dengan rasa yang bahagia.




He asked me, what did I see in him?

From the question, I know tonight's conversation gonna be serious again, like hell.

I keep the question unanswered, even though I have a lot to say.

I closed my eyes, hearing every thing he said.

Yes, sure. It kills me inside.

How can I pretend not to hurt when someone I love said he hates me?

It hurts a lot. By time I promise not to cry again, I failed. Night with tears, again.

I wish he knows, I love everything about him.

Every single thing.
- - - - - - - -  -


Awak, awak manja.
Awak mahukan perhatian.
Awak minta perhatian dengan cara awak sendiri.

Bila awak mencebik buat muka merajuk, geram saya.
Rasa nak gigit je bibir tu.
Remember the first time you made that face?
Yes, in the car when we were heading to Bagan Lalang.
You said, 'Awak ada wishlist, saya pun ada wishlist saya'
Before I let you touch me for the first time.
It was a good touch then (:

Remember our first kiss?
The same day.
I feel so loved.
and it was the first time ever you said, 'I love you'.
It feels so nice then.

Going through the sweet phase really made my day.

You are really something.
To other girls, there is not much thing you do, they say.
But to me, you've done more than enough.

I love you.
I love your smile.
I love you laugh.
I love it when you get jealous, but pretend not to.
I love it when you get spoil.
I love it when you get angry.
I love it when you tease me to your heart content.
I love it when you said, 'Haa jeles lah tu' when I'm trying not to~

What I see in you?

I see someone who can love and understand me the way no one would be.

How can I not love you when everything you do is making me fall in love again and again.

The way you treat me.
The way you concern.

Sayang.
I miss you so much.
I miss our moment together.

I'm sorry. I'm sorry for the mistakes I made.
Mungkin silap saya tu takkan dapat ditebus pada mata awak.

I know,
I was really stupid.

Saya cuma sayangkan awak.
Saya tak dapat nak describe perasaan saya.
I was not being rational that time.
I was so afraid.
I was scared.

Sayang,
I'm sorry I made you grow hates in me.
I wish every thing was a dream.

I know, I cannot turn back the time we were happy together.

I have no right to decide.

Sayang.
I really miss you like hell.

Hafiz,
saya rindu awak.


*Background music: Heavy by Linkin Park*

Kadang-kadang susah nak admit bila sesuatu perkara dah tak sama macam sebelum ni.

Sedikit sebanyak meniggalkan kesan dalam diri seseorang.

Sesak dada, berat nafas.

Airmata macam tak puas nak mengalir.

Entah bila akan berhenti.

Takut.

Takut dengan diri sendiri yang terbang terlalu tinggi.

Takut sayap patah jatuh menghentam bumi.

Pecah seribu, darah membanjir.

Masih wujudkah seseorang yang memerlukan kita pada waktu ini?

Adakah lagi yang sudi mahu tadahkan airmata yang berjurai di pipi?

Emosi.





People usually said, do not let go the one who willing to cry for you.

Some said, do not go for people who ignore your tears.

Well. Well Well.

It is easier to become the person who makes the choice, than the one who cry.

The one who makes the choice

They just need to decide whether to ignore or to accept, without thinking much about the person who go after them.

Whether they accept or not, they can go with either.

It just that when they accept, they probably get someone who is deeply in love with them, the one who is loyal, can stand with them no matter what. The one who struggles to be with their loved one.

Even if they reject the person, still, they have no problem with that. They can find someone who can fulfill their love desire.

Is it as simple as that?

I do not know, because I am the person who cry.

The person who cry

And some people said, fight for someone who you cannot stop thinking of.

They also said that do not give up because there is always a rainbow behind the silver lining.

To me, yes, I fight for something that I think I'm worth it.

It just that, I don't know how much time left that I can stand still and be strong.

As for now, I've cried much enough but still, I'm not giving up.

I don't know why, this time, I don't feel like giving up even though the risk is getting higher.

I tried to give up, but my heart won't let me.

I've calculated the risk, but still, I'm willing to go through the obstacles.

I don't know what will happen after this.

I'm just hoping that everything's gonna be okay.

 I hope that things are getting better.

They also said, what kills you, makes you stronger.

I hope I can be strong.



Read his update on Facebook status.

His delivering a message, not to put a high hope

I can't sleep well lately.

I keep on crying over and over and I feel like shit.

Until I suddenly got a strength to send him a text message.

Maybe it will be the last even though I hope it is not.

I really hope I'll get a text later and later.

I know I'm missing him too much right now.

Haih~ he doesn't even care, right?

All I hope that he will be happier when I'm not around.

I just want him to be happy because I love to see his happy smile and hear his happy laugh.

It's kinda addictive to me.

Dear H.,
I hope everything going well for you.

I love you.



« Newer • Home • Older »

Assalamualaikum & Hello Peeps !

I'm hoping no one will find this blog.
I'm just expressing my feelings about my relationship here.

Baring atas katil sambil tengok siling.

Terpusing-pusing badan mencari posisi yang sedap untuk tidur.

Akhirnya mengiring, kini pandang dinding. Selesa.

Kenapa aku rasa macam ada wajah kau yang terlekat di dinding ini?

Ah~ tiga prinsip.

Satu, aku jaga hati kau.
Dua, kau jaga  hati aku.
Tiga, kita jaga sama-sama.

Marah atau merajuk?
Dari berdiri ke duduk,
dari duduk ke baring.
Nak rasa sejuk? Wudhuk.

Dalam situasi aku sekarang,
lempar hati atas jalan.
Susah kan? 
Kau pernah rasa kau terhegeh-hegeh kat orang?
Kau suka dia bagai nak rak, sanggup makan hati dengan segala kecurangan dan penipuan dia.

Naluri kau kuat tahu apa yang dia buat belakang kau tapi kau sabar, kau tunggu masa Allah tunjuk.

And like, puff !
Allah tunjuk.
Allah tunjuk keyakinan kau pada dia dah menigkat, dah hampir cecah 95% setelah jatuh dulu.

Then fiuuuu~ it drops again to 70%.
Kau makan hati lagi, bila lagi sekali Allah tunjuk.

Dan paling best, bila dia kata kau 'stalker' sedangkan baru sekali Allah nak tunjuk benda tu.
Kau makan hati, tapi kau diam tak kata apa sebab kau sendiri malas nak gaduh.
Kau telah je apa tuduhan dia.
Pelik kan, dia yang buat salah tapi engkau yang kena tanggung.
Kau yang kena telan dia perli.

Kau kena ingat, kuatkan hati.

Kuatkan hati.

Tinggikan ego yang pernah kau ada.

Aku?
Aku dah penat jaga hati orang.
Tapi degil nak jaga lagi.

Lantaklah. Aku sendiri malas nak fikir.


Ya, kecewa.

Rasa dikhianati.

Rasa ditipu.

Pelan-pelan aku percaya, akhirnya tiada apa yang berubah sebenarnya.



Andai sahaja masa dapat diputar,
aku ingin rakamkan semula detik-detik bahagia kita,
biar dapat aku simpan dalam kotak memori,
supaya aku boleh ulang tayang ketika aku merasa sepi.

Andai sahaja masa dapat diputar,
aku ingin memeluknya dan terus diam,
menikmati hangat tubuhnya,
melepaskan segala rindu dalam dada.

Aku ingin hentikan masa ketika ini,
takut untuk bergerak terus kehadapan,
jelas dan nyata takut akan sebuah kehilangan.

Terdiam diulit sepi.
Airmata mengalir lagi.
Entah berapa kali,
aku sendiri pun tak pasti.

Buat pencuri hati,
kalau ikut aku,
mahu sahaja kau simpan hati itu dalam kotak besi,
aku tahu kau sebenarnya mampu menjaganya dengan rapi.

Maafkan aku sayang,
khilafku membawa kita ke sini.
Ke daerah yang tak kita kenal.

Api terus membara.
Aku mencari air yang bisa memadamnya.

Masa.
Berhentilah seketika ketika aku sedang gembira.
Izinkanlah sekali aku memeluknya dengan rasa yang bahagia.




He asked me, what did I see in him?

From the question, I know tonight's conversation gonna be serious again, like hell.

I keep the question unanswered, even though I have a lot to say.

I closed my eyes, hearing every thing he said.

Yes, sure. It kills me inside.

How can I pretend not to hurt when someone I love said he hates me?

It hurts a lot. By time I promise not to cry again, I failed. Night with tears, again.

I wish he knows, I love everything about him.

Every single thing.
- - - - - - - -  -


Awak, awak manja.
Awak mahukan perhatian.
Awak minta perhatian dengan cara awak sendiri.

Bila awak mencebik buat muka merajuk, geram saya.
Rasa nak gigit je bibir tu.
Remember the first time you made that face?
Yes, in the car when we were heading to Bagan Lalang.
You said, 'Awak ada wishlist, saya pun ada wishlist saya'
Before I let you touch me for the first time.
It was a good touch then (:

Remember our first kiss?
The same day.
I feel so loved.
and it was the first time ever you said, 'I love you'.
It feels so nice then.

Going through the sweet phase really made my day.

You are really something.
To other girls, there is not much thing you do, they say.
But to me, you've done more than enough.

I love you.
I love your smile.
I love you laugh.
I love it when you get jealous, but pretend not to.
I love it when you get spoil.
I love it when you get angry.
I love it when you tease me to your heart content.
I love it when you said, 'Haa jeles lah tu' when I'm trying not to~

What I see in you?

I see someone who can love and understand me the way no one would be.

How can I not love you when everything you do is making me fall in love again and again.

The way you treat me.
The way you concern.

Sayang.
I miss you so much.
I miss our moment together.

I'm sorry. I'm sorry for the mistakes I made.
Mungkin silap saya tu takkan dapat ditebus pada mata awak.

I know,
I was really stupid.

Saya cuma sayangkan awak.
Saya tak dapat nak describe perasaan saya.
I was not being rational that time.
I was so afraid.
I was scared.

Sayang,
I'm sorry I made you grow hates in me.
I wish every thing was a dream.

I know, I cannot turn back the time we were happy together.

I have no right to decide.

Sayang.
I really miss you like hell.

Hafiz,
saya rindu awak.


*Background music: Heavy by Linkin Park*

Kadang-kadang susah nak admit bila sesuatu perkara dah tak sama macam sebelum ni.

Sedikit sebanyak meniggalkan kesan dalam diri seseorang.

Sesak dada, berat nafas.

Airmata macam tak puas nak mengalir.

Entah bila akan berhenti.

Takut.

Takut dengan diri sendiri yang terbang terlalu tinggi.

Takut sayap patah jatuh menghentam bumi.

Pecah seribu, darah membanjir.

Masih wujudkah seseorang yang memerlukan kita pada waktu ini?

Adakah lagi yang sudi mahu tadahkan airmata yang berjurai di pipi?

Emosi.





People usually said, do not let go the one who willing to cry for you.

Some said, do not go for people who ignore your tears.

Well. Well Well.

It is easier to become the person who makes the choice, than the one who cry.

The one who makes the choice

They just need to decide whether to ignore or to accept, without thinking much about the person who go after them.

Whether they accept or not, they can go with either.

It just that when they accept, they probably get someone who is deeply in love with them, the one who is loyal, can stand with them no matter what. The one who struggles to be with their loved one.

Even if they reject the person, still, they have no problem with that. They can find someone who can fulfill their love desire.

Is it as simple as that?

I do not know, because I am the person who cry.

The person who cry

And some people said, fight for someone who you cannot stop thinking of.

They also said that do not give up because there is always a rainbow behind the silver lining.

To me, yes, I fight for something that I think I'm worth it.

It just that, I don't know how much time left that I can stand still and be strong.

As for now, I've cried much enough but still, I'm not giving up.

I don't know why, this time, I don't feel like giving up even though the risk is getting higher.

I tried to give up, but my heart won't let me.

I've calculated the risk, but still, I'm willing to go through the obstacles.

I don't know what will happen after this.

I'm just hoping that everything's gonna be okay.

 I hope that things are getting better.

They also said, what kills you, makes you stronger.

I hope I can be strong.



Read his update on Facebook status.

His delivering a message, not to put a high hope

I can't sleep well lately.

I keep on crying over and over and I feel like shit.

Until I suddenly got a strength to send him a text message.

Maybe it will be the last even though I hope it is not.

I really hope I'll get a text later and later.

I know I'm missing him too much right now.

Haih~ he doesn't even care, right?

All I hope that he will be happier when I'm not around.

I just want him to be happy because I love to see his happy smile and hear his happy laugh.

It's kinda addictive to me.

Dear H.,
I hope everything going well for you.

I love you.



« Newer • Home • Older »